#ATM: June 2017 (On-going)

  • Continuously updating my blog and working on my poetry.
  • Currently attending Basic Interior Styling facilitated by School of Fashion and the Arts (SoFA).

 

  • Visited Alabang after more than 6 months. #hometown

 

  • Celebrated one of my closest friend’s birthday. Happy birthday, M! ^^

 

  • Random office moments.

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  • Random dates and hangouts.

 

  • Started a new hobby – coloring!

 

  • Had my hair cut short for a change.

 

  • Took selfies and #OOTD photos because I’m vain.

 

  • ..and this notification that made the fan girl in me die in bliss.

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From me to you

Let me set your expectations: being with me will drive you crazy.

I will be clingy and needy, then completely shut you out. For no reason.

I will crave for your touch, then hate you for too much physical contact. Just because.

I will demand for your time, but I’ll ignore you if I want to.

I will require your attention and loyalty, yet I will keep myself preoccupied with my goals.

I will keep you on your toes all the time. I will make you question where you stand in my life. And this will eventually drive you mad.

Being with me will drive you crazy..

But rest assured, you will have all of me.

I guess this is how our story ends.

I saw you today, and my heart didn’t skip a beat.

I saw you from a distance, looking exactly the same when I last saw you. There you were, standing in the middle of a busy walkway, waiting for me. Which seems funny since I was always the one waiting for you.

I walked faster, not because I was excited to see you. I just wanted to get this over with.

You smiled when you saw me. I didn’t. My face was as blank as what I was feeling for a while.

Normally, I wouldn’t be able to hide how happy I was to spend time with you. But today, it felt as if I was meeting an acquaintance I haven’t seen for long time. Everything looked familiar — except I felt disconnected.

You knew something was off. You knew there was space between us so you tried to engage me, as if nothing happened.

As if nothing happened. The very reason we ended up like this. You did me wrong, told me you were sorry — and that’s it. In a fit of anger, I asked you to exert some effort just this once. I waited.

I waited for nothing.

Our meeting was brief — you had to go to work and I had a class. Back then, I’d whine because no matter how much time we spent together, it always seemed too short. I always asked for more, but you had other things to attend to, so I had to wait until next time.

I actually thought I could keep this up. I told you what I needed. I told you what I was afraid of. I was ready to do anything for you, you just had to keep your end of the bargain. You tried, but you couldn’t.

You knew once I cross my limit, there’s no going back. You tried your luck, and here we are.

I’m sorry.

Sorry, but I’m beyond exhausted.

​Letting go of people isn’t as dramatic as most people portray it to be. Sometimes, it’s just you, in the middle of the night, lost in your thoughts, trying to make sense of what happened and is (still) happening.

Then something snaps.

You forget how to feel for awhile. You struggle to remember why you’re doing things for people in the first place. You convince yourself that you love them and you can endure anything for them, but your words come out as empty as every promise they made.

And a realization dawns on you: you’ve had enough.

You can’t make yourself cross another line for them because now, you see what they won’t do for you. Even if they can.

It’s sad to walk away from people you care about most. But when you have to keep killing your own mind so you can deal with the insanity of the situation, what other choice do you have? When you have to lose yourself in the process of building them up, what else is there to live for?

Blurred lines

You keep hiding.
You keep lying.

But why?
What for?

Have I not proven myself enough?
You think you have me in the palm of your hand?

I told you to tell me everything –
Anything –
Because I will understand.
I will try my best to understand.

Yet you break my heart,
you break my trust.

Now, I’m having difficulty distinguishing
where your truth ends and your lies begin.

Hello, mister.

One dysfunctional relationship after another,
I started to question if I was asking for too much.
What others got easily, I have to find with difficulty.

Meeting the wrong people at the right time,
Meeting the right people at the wrong time.
I just couldn’t get it right.

And then you came.
I don’t know what to make of your presence in my life,
But the way you crave for me makes me believe that maybe —
Just maybe —
Someone’s meant for me.

Hi, mga Koya.

Bakit ba karamihan ng nanliligaw sakin either may asawa or may girlfriend?
NAKAKALOKA.

Mga Koya, you’re talking to someone whose stalking level is 9999.
Kahit magdeny kayo sa harap ko, I will know.
I will definitely know.

Ayoko ng gulo.
Ayoko ng komplikado.
So please, tigilan nyo na ko.

M.A.R.L.

Checking all photos on my phone, it seems I only have 4 friends.
Real ones.
Those who have stayed with me through tough times.
Those who do not shy away from scolding me when I give too much of myself.
Those who do not hold back in telling me what I’m doing wrong.
Those who are proud of my victories and celebrate them with me.
If not for them, I could have lost my sanity by now.
They’ve been generous with their effort, time and understanding.
It’s difficult to find people who won’t take advantage of you.
But I met them and became their friend.
In return, I’ll do anything to keep them.

To my friends, if you’re reading this, thank you.
You’re one of a kind.

Indecent offers

Sorry, I don’t do one-night stands.
Or two-timing.
Or sugar baby.
Or gold digging.
I don’t have sex with just anyone, and I don’t do it just to “get off” either.
On top of that, I feel uncomfortable when someone spends money on me.
I’m very independent and I don’t need a man to finance my lifestyle.
I commit myself to someone because I love that person for who he is, not for what he can do for me.
So..
Thanks, but no thanks.