#ATM: July 2016


This month was an emotional roller coaster ride I wanted to get out of badly. I was sick and depressed and suicidal – but I survived, thanks to those who sincerely care for me. I am lucky and blessed with people who are willing to share my pain.

To those who stuck around even when I was at my worst, thank you.


  • First half of July: I couldn’t eat for a week – I tried but I always ended up throwing up everything. I was so stressed and depressed that I spent that week just sleeping and going to work. I was diagnosed with ulcer and dehydration.

No matter how much make up I put on, I still looked pale and sick. I stopped putting on lipstick because I kept washing it off after throwing up.

  • Graduated from our 3-month company training. BEST WAVE EVER.
  • Random things that made me happy:
  • Someone sent me these photos while shopping around and I was surprised at how much weight I’ve lost within a month.
  • Cut my hair short to remove excess baggage. Lol.

  • Spent time with a handful of people close to my heart.
  • Spent a lot of time alone, too.
  • Went on a walkathon around BGC.
  • Ended the month by going on a quick trip to Tagaytay for a few kilos of beef, a bowl of bulalo, a plate of fried tawilis, a cup of kapeng barako, and a dose of wanderlust chikahan with the elders.
  • And the best part of this month — I GOT INTO UP OPEN UNIVERSITY! I’ve waited 7 years to finally go back to college and finally, I did it! One goal down, many more to go!
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Hope

Hope is humanity’s superpower. It enables us to do things we thought we were incapable of. Hope gives us strength and the will to keep moving forward. We may hit rock bottom, but if we have hope, rock bottom becomes a stepping stone. Hope starts change; hope changes our perspective and our actions, which eventually leads to a change in our circumstance.

Tama na.

Ayoko sanang mawala ka, gusto kong sabihin
Na sana dito ka lang, sa tabi ko, kahit di ka naman akin
Pagkatapos, hawakan mo lang ako
Nito lang ako nakaramdam ng ganto at kasabay ng pag—
Bitaw ko ng mga katagang ito, umaasa ako
Na sana manatili ka, kahit alam kong
Nakakakapagod ako
Mahalin at bigyan ng panahon, ako
Yung taong hindi basta-basta sumusuko sa
Taong gusto ko
Hindi ko rin kayang mawala ka
Marunong naman ako maghintay at
Magpahalaga ng mga tingi-tingi mong oras
Nakakaubos ng enerhiya pero wala akong magawa, mahal kita
Ng sobra kaya andito ako sa harap mo at nagmamakaawa
Pasensya ka na
At ikaw ang napili ng isang tao na katulad ko
Pagmamahal lang ang kaya kong ialay
Sa mundong puno ng mga maka—
Sarili na mga tao, andito ako handang ibigay ang lahat sayo.

You are my home.

“My love, the world is a big battlefield.
Everyone else is in a constant fight for love,
yet I decided to put all of my defenses down.

It seems that my soul
has already found
its safe place.
Its getaway.
Its home.
You.”