When you’re inches away from thrusting that knife to yourself hoping to end the suffering once and for all, you start thinking of the people you’re leaving behind. How they’re gonna be broken after your loss. How they’re gonna learn to survive without you.
So you put it down and consider giving life another chance. Sure, it’s lonely. It’s tough. You’re surrounded by people, but you’re craving for company. For intimacy that does not involve physical touch. For a connection that goes beyond than the usual chitchat. For understanding that goes deep into your soul.
You close your eyes and force yourself to stop thinking. Your room is quiet, but your mind is screaming. You try to silence your thoughts and calm your nerves. You struggle to numb your emotions until you fall asleep.
Then you start dreaming. You hold on to it, wishing it never ends because when you wake up, you have to go through it again.
But you keep waking up, so you do it over and over.
It’s a lonely battle, especially when you’re waging a war against yourself. People reach out to you and you’re grateful that they’re trying to help out. But at the end of the day, you only have yourself to get out of whatever is eating you up from the inside.
So, soldier on. You have no other choice.