Hi, mga Koya.

Bakit ba karamihan ng nanliligaw sakin either may asawa or may girlfriend?
NAKAKALOKA.

Mga Koya, you’re talking to someone whose stalking level is 9999.
Kahit magdeny kayo sa harap ko, I will know.
I will definitely know.

Ayoko ng gulo.
Ayoko ng komplikado.
So please, tigilan nyo na ko.

M.A.R.L.

Checking all photos on my phone, it seems I only have 4 friends.
Real ones.
Those who have stayed with me through tough times.
Those who do not shy away from scolding me when I give too much of myself.
Those who do not hold back in telling me what I’m doing wrong.
Those who are proud of my victories and celebrate them with me.
If not for them, I couldΒ have lost my sanity by now.
They’ve been generous with their effort, time and understanding.
It’s difficult to find people who won’t take advantage of you.
But I met them and became their friend.
In return, I’ll do anything to keep them.

To my friends, if you’re reading this, thank you.
You’re one of a kind.

Indecent offers

Sorry, I don’t do one-night stands.
Or two-timing.
Or sugar baby.
Or gold digging.
I don’t have sex with just anyone, and I don’t do it just to “get off” either.
On top of that, I feel uncomfortable when someone spends money on me.
I’m very independent and I don’t need a man to finance my lifestyle.
I commit myself to someone because I love that person for who he is, not for what he can do for me.
So..
Thanks, but no thanks.

I don’t know you, and I don’t want and/or need to talk to you.

Too many unregistered numbers have been calling Β and texting recently. Lol.
Unfortunately for these people, I don’t answer calls and texts from unknown numbers. They’re automatically blocked.

I don’t give out my number to just anyone, either.
Only those who I met in person and are in good terms with me have my number.

So if you’re calling and I’m not picking up, I hope you get the hint.
If not (because you’re too dense/dumb), then here’s your explanation.

I love you.

​”I’m going to tell you that I love you. I’m going to figure out how. It’s not that it’s a crazy thing to say β€” of all the words ever spoken in all the languages in the world, it’s got to be the most common three words ever said in that combination. How hard can it be, if so many people have said it before, and if so many people will say it after? To husbands and wives and friends and fathers and mothers and children and you β€” lovers.

But maybe that’s why it’s hard, you know? Because I really want it to mean something. I need it to mean something. I need to convey what I mean when I say it and there are no other words for it that I can find so I just have to tell you, but I need you to know I mean it.

I need you to know I’m not just saying it the way other people have said it β€” halfheartedly and too often β€” and that what I mean is and isn’t what other people mean when they say β€œI love you.” Because I love you for loving me β€” or at least I hope you love me, or could learn to love me, or are beginning to love me. And I love you for all the ways you are yourself, for just being you, which, yes, sounds like the most trite way to say why you love someone, but maybe, if all the yous of the world are just different enough, the meaning changes just that much as the phrase jumps from lip to lip, relationship to relationship, I to love to you.

I’m going to tell you I love you.”

–Β Ella Ceron

Of Tests, meds and needles

It started when I was in high school, but at that time, it was still manageable. I’d get abdominal pain few times a year, but I needed nothing more than Kremil-S.

Then came college. I’d get Php 500 for my weekly allowance, which included my 2-way fare for Php 120. With the remaining Php 380, I had to buy school supplies, get photocopies of our readings and feed myself thrice a day, 5 days a week. Meals became an option as money was just too scarce. I got diagnosed with gastritis.

After I left college, coffee became my best friend as I worked night shift. Little did I know, this newfound addiction would also become the bane of my existence.

I was earning money but I had to support my family. I worked two or three jobs – four, at one point – and I skipped a lot of meals simply because I did not have time. And so my gastritis persisted and worsened over time.

I thought that was the end of it. I just had to make sure I eat on time and I don’t overindulge on acidic food.

Wrong.

When an ex-boyfriend of mine cheated on me, I’d vomit every time I thought of him and his new beau. I lost too much weight in a span of one month – 20 kilos, to be exact. I’d eat and then vomit after half an hour or so. I thought it was just a phase. I thought I’d get over it.

Wrong. Again.

I moved on, but my condition remained. I don’t know how it started, but after that, every time I get too stressed, I’d vomit until my throat hurts. I can smile and laugh everything off, but my body betrays me, as if to say, “no, you’re not okay.” And I hate it.

Hospitals became my second home, but one that is cold and lonely. I used to come with my mom, but I was afraid they’d give bad news sooner or later so I started going there on my own. It’s difficult to deal with the pain and procedure alone, but it’s harder to accept that I keep losing a battle with myself. No matter how many times I tell myself “mind over matter”, I still can’t win.

I have another appointment this weekend. New hospital, same procedure. Sometimes, I wish someone would hold my hand, and tell me everything’s gonna be okay. Sometimes, I wish I had someone to talk to while waiting for my results. Sometimes, I wish someone would be there to watch over me while I endure the pain.

But I guess, I have to bear it on my own one more time.